it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
