I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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