my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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