the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
