I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
