next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
