Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
