well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think my moral compass just broke
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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