i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
