I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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