Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
