i permit you to call me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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