Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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