just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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