last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
