I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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