whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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