He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
