The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
