I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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