This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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