theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
handjob tips. give me some.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
