I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize