a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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