Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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