i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
