oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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