can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you never un-have a 4some
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
