Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
