i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
