Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize