have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
