I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
