Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize