My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.