Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE