WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children