OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know