Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
