She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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