"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
