you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.