His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.