Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means