Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
