I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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