Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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