I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
