Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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