thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
