Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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