So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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