Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
