Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
