she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
