Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
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just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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