This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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