You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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