omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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