I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
