thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
