all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
