About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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