just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
