They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
