my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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