I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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