ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
