my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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