im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
