its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
