Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
