Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
