did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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