they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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