Can Purell be used as lube?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
